Yosemite National Park, California and the Western States All Point Bulletin

When I did 3 days of backpacking in Yosemite National Park the trip went pretty uneventfully so I was worried that I wouldn't have a good story to entertain the lurking masses. Have no fear, Fruitloop took care of that problem all by herself.

First, let's go start with the backpack. When I arrived at Yosemite I saw the hordes of tourists and immediately headed for the backcountry permit office to assist me in getting away from the teeming masses. Since it was already late in the day and the poor park ranger was looking a little funny at this middle aged woman who was alone, knew nothing of the park and was demanding a permit, it was suggested I try the Big Flats trail so I wouldn't have to travel far and spend the night there. This was a good idea, I left my tent in the minivan because, apparently, it never rains in Southern California. I saw a little bear but he didn't stick around long enough for me to take a picture. The bear cannister is a PITA.

The next day I was ready for something more stressful and the park ranger started to have some confidence in my abilities so he sent me on a 17 mile, 3 day backpack with 5300 feet of elevation change between Yosemite Falls and the Snow Creek Valley. This was a great deal of fun. I started late again so I managed to do 3500 feet of elevation change in slightly over 3 hours with the full pack. I had some fun getting water out of the Yosemite Falls creek near the top where the water goes over the rim.

I met many great people along the way up, the second day I saw almost no one and had lots of time to spare so I got some reading done. The third day I just had 4 miles left and the steep descent. I think I lost another toenail but I don't care.

I keep my phone off when I hike mainly for safety reasons and to save the charge. Everyone knows this and I always make a series of phone calls before I backpack telling people where I am and what I am doing, just in case I need to cut my arm off. Like a good daughter I called Fruitloop and left a message on her machine about the backpack.

Unfortunately, Fruitloop can't seem to work her voicemail properly and claimed she didn't get the message. After Fruitloop doesn't here from me for awhile she goes into orbit and contacts the phone company to get a list of all calls that came to her phone. Mind you, my May 14th phone call is clearly listed on the document but Fruitloop doesn't look closely enough to notice. Instead, she is just getting warmed up. She decides to start contacting the state police in several westerns states so they can put out an APB on myself and my poor minivan. Not totally satisfied with her performance yet she calls my close personal friends, introduces herself and then demands to know whether I have contacted them recently.

Not quite satisfied with all that, Fruitloop sends the Oregon State Police the link to this blog so that they have a clear picture of who I am and what a bad bad daughter I was, and to get several clear pictures of myself. The police officers involved start calling my cell phone and sending my blog address to every podunk town in the Western Hemisphere. Mind you, I am concerned about hit counts but this isn't the way I envision increasing my blog readership.

So I get off the trail yesterday and then listen to the 8 messages on my voicemail from the police, including Fruitloop who is slightly overacting using her worried-helpless-aged-mother voice, she needs to work on that for proper effect. I also get this email sent to my blogger email address:

My name is XXXX XXXXXX. I am a dispatch supervisor with the Oregon State Police. Your Mother has called and is concerned for your welfare as she has not heard from you since 051207. Please contact your parents and let them know you are ok.

We have placed and all points bulletin for the states of Oregon/Washington/Idaho looking for you.

Once you call your parents and let them know you are fine, please call the Oregon State Police @ XXX XXX XXXX and let us know you are ok. This way we can cancel the Welfare Check placed on behalf of your parents.

Refer to our case number SPXXXXXX when you call.

Thank you and best regards,

Southern Command Center
Oregon State Police

So I call this guy in Oregon and tell him to call off the dogs. Fruitloop tries to spin the whole thing saying that I should be glad that I have someone so "concerned" about my welfare. This is the kind of "concern" I don't need.

Here are is the slideshow:

To see pics of Fruitloop cut up into teeny tiny pieces you will have to wait until I get back.


Anonymous said...

Now we know why the bear ran off, Bunny and Bluebird scared it away! Don't blame the bear, those are some mean looking varmits!

lisazilla said...

My mother is the same way. Sheesh.

Parker said...

Your posts always make me laugh. Why Fruitloops had to make such a tsimmes is beyond me. Perhaps if you had set out to climb El Cap on your own...

tfg said...

Man, this is probably the most elaborate midlife crisis I've ever ran across. I strongly suggest that you take a younger lover, upon returning to Baltimore.

Cham said...


You have your midlife crisis your way, I have mine. Although, the younger lover idea isn't a bad one.

Anonymous said...

At least old geezers don't cost much. It's the story of the young bull and the old bull. Young bull and old bull standing on the hill. Young bull says" Let's run down and get one of those helfers" Old bull says,"Let's walk down and get them all"